Merry Christmas, Kiss My Ass!
by ThisLooksLikeAJobForMe
Summary: SONG-FIC BASED ON THE ALL TIME LOW TRACK OF THE SAME NAME. One-Shot. Matt hates watching Stefan and Elena getting cosy in the Grill. Stefan is feeling insecure, and for good reason. Elena is letting her inner player run wild. Merry Christmas ! NO SLASH


**Merry Christmas, Kiss My Ass!**

**So here's a little song-fic one-shot based on the ATL festive favourite, Merry Christmas, Kiss My Ass. Never completed a song-fic before (only written chapters in longer stories based on songs), but thought I'd give it a go as a little early Christmas present to you all : ) Hope you like it, it features my first attempt at Matt POV (because he's massively under-rated)!  
>Enjoy!<br>Saskia xxx**

**~Matt POV~**

I looked bitterly over at the laughing couple in the corner, taking my frustration out on the glass I was cleaning. That's the problem with working at the Grill – everyone comes here, you can't avoid anyone in the small town of Mystic Falls. I slammed the glass into the rack under the bar and snatched another off the drainer. My fists clenched as he leaned over to whisper something in her ear, my eyes narrowed as she giggled coyly and kissed him on the cheek. I looked away as he captured her lips with his. I may be a self-proclaimed masochist, but even I had my limits. To watch her kiss him like that...more hungrily and eagerly than I ever remember her kissing me...it was too much. I wasn't going to put myself through that sort of torture, it was bad enough having to serve them.

_They told me I was lucky to have my chance with you...now last year's summer romance is this year's winter blues..._

It had seemed so perfect. I'd known her forever, and I'd loved her since I first saw her when I was 6. But I suppose...she was always kinda out of my league. Sure, I was on the football team, and I had the whole sweet American blonde and blue eyes thing (or so I've been told), but...she was completely other-worldly. Cheerleader, loving parents, member of the all-holy Founding Families, an hourglass figure that most girls would kill for. What did I have? An absentee mom, a stoner sister, and a daily struggle to keep out of debt. Yeah. Exactly the sort of person Elena Gilbert would go for.

Yet go for me she did. Six months ago, she'd be sitting on the stool right in front of me, batting her eyelids, laughing at my jokes, begging me to clock out early so we could go make out in the back of my car. We were together for over a year, and every day I'd wake up pinching myself, or I'd wake up next to her and tell myself that I was dreaming. It was surreal, and I loved it. I felt like the luckiest damn guy in the world.

Then her world imploded, and my heart did with it. She ditched me when she most needed the support, saying that she needed to be independent...yeah right. She was just being stubborn, the same stubborn Elena she'd always been. I stayed in the background, trying to be a friend to her, always hoping that maybe she'd realise how much she did want me and that maybe there was still a future for us.

But then Stefan freaking Salvatore showed up and she fell into his manly arms. The guy is nice enough, and I'm perfectly happy to have him on my wing on the football field, but really...I'm so jealous of him I feel like I'm going to explode. He had her without even trying. I sometimes wonder if Elena was just trying to notch up as many desirable guys as possible, that maybe if Salvatore hadn't shown, it would be Tyler or someone next. It's not like I didn't treat her well! If there was one thing my mom taught me (asides from how NOT to be a good parent), it was that girls like to be treated like royalty.

_I treated you so nicely to jewellery and champagne, but you left me empty handed, you left me feeling played-ed-ed..._

All her girlfriends were jealous of her when she was with me – not because she was with _me_, but because I'd bring her chocolate every other week, turn up to her house with flowers, take her out for a meal out of town every time I got my paycheque. I treated her the way every girl wants to be treated, and I know for a fact that she still wears the charm bracelet I bought her for her birthday at the start of the sophomore year. I used to think that was a sign that maybe she would come back to me in time. Now I realise she wears it because it's pretty, not because of what we had. I tried my best. Obviously that wasn't good enough for her.

_Now I hope you're happy with yourself, 'cause I'm not laughing...don't you think it's kind of crappy what you did this holiday?_

Last year, she was getting ready for the party at Tyler's house right now. I know, because I was there watching her. I'd arrived early, and she let me come up to her room while she put her face on; she'd never seemed to be afraid to let me see her impurities, her imperfections. This year? Well, just yesterday, she'd try to set me up with Bonnie. Bonnie! No offense to her, she's a lovely girl, but I just wouldn't go there – and I got the impression that she didn't want to go there either! But of course, _Elena_ asked her to come and talk to me, to make sure I wasn't going to be alone this Christmas, and whatever _Elena_ wants she gets. When Elena asks you to jump, you ask how fucking high. Elena wants me to be _happy_...yes, of _course_, Miss Gilbert. I'll be happy with the girls you set me up with while I watch you canoodling with your latest boy toy. Yes. Amen to that.

_When I gave you my heart, you ripped it apart like wrapping paper trash...so I wrote you a song, hope that you sing along and it goes 'Merry Christmas, kiss my ass!'_

Maybe now you've got Saint Stefan, you could give me my heart back? I know it's a chewed up, broken, _messed up_ piece of _shit_, but I'd quite like it back. Surely you're satisfied with holding Stefan's heart in your hand? You don't need mine too, surely. How can you expect me to _move on_ if you won't let me? Some people may think I'm being bitter, or melodramatic, but just stop, and look at it through my eyes. Elena's parents _die_, and she dumps me because she needed space. Suddenly, only _three months_ after we split up, she spies Stefan Salvatore, the object of every girl in the school's desire. She doesn't want space anymore, she doesn't want to be independent. She just wants him.

_They say I'm losing my mind, I thought that for a while…_

Vickie offered me a hit yesterday. I didn't know if she was referring to the pills she was popping or the pot she was smoking, but I almost accepted it. Just to feel…carefree…would be wonderful. Especially now as _she_ drags Stefan over to the bar and flutters her eyelashes at me while I get their drinks. I'd love not to _feel_ right now. Then I wouldn't be jealous of Stefan, angry at Elena, and generally pissed at the whole damn world which seems to be out to get me. Yeah. No emotions would be perfect right about now.

_I tear down decorations, they remind me of your smile…I hate that mistletoe, it makes me think of our first kiss…you bit my lip, you pulled me close and then you taught me how to quit…_

We first kissed in freshman year. At the Christmas party round Tyler's. We were fourteen, and it was pretty much everyone's first alcohol-fuelled party. I found her preparing to jump in the fountain for a swim, and pulled her back. She fell over, and ended up spying the mistletoe growing high in the tree above our heads. I'd been really shy…it wasn't my first kiss, but it was close…and decided to just go for a quick peck – Elena was the most popular girl in the year, after all, she wasn't going to properly _kiss_ me…but then she did. I can still feel the butterflies in my stomach, the butterflies that had quickly turned into fireworks.

_Now I hope you're happy with yourself, 'cause I'm not laughing…don't you think it's kind of crappy what you did this holiday?_

So thank you, Elena. I won't spend Christmas alone. I'll spend it with Vickie's pot smoke, or Tyler's never ending alcohol supply. I'll take my broken heart and nurse it over a nice big bottle of Jack, or over another girl's body. I don't need you to play matchmaker to me. I'll manage perfectly well on my own thanks. Maybe one day...hopefully one day...someone will do the same thing to you. Give you a taste of you own medicine. Just know that I'll always be there, watching as you break hearts, and _laughing_ when you break your own. You're a player, Elena, and you can't dress that up in a nicer way. You're going to get what coming for you, because karma will _always_ bite you when you least expect it. Remember that while you lead Stefan along, and whoever you lead along after that, and the unlucky sod after that, and the next, and the next. I suppose I'm the lucky one in this equation. I've been there, done you, and I'm suffering the consequences, but I'm the _only_ person who can possibly foresee what's going to happen next. People like you...you never even consider the possibility that maybe, just maybe, _you_ will suffer the consequences of you one day. I give up on you, Elena. Even if you came running to me, I wouldn't help you, especially if it was about 'guy trouble', if Stefan threw you out on your ass. The blood is on your hands.

_When I gave you my heart, you ripped it apart like wrapping paper trash...so I wrote you a song, hope that you'll sing along, and it goes 'Merry Christmas, kiss my ass!'_

**~Stefan POV~**

I walked into the Boarding House, swinging my keys around my finger. I'd called Elena about an hour after she left the Grill, checking to see if she was still up for our previously made plans of me staying round her's over Christmas – the festive season in the Boarding House with only Damon for company didn't really appeal. She hadn't answered her phone, and hadn't replied to my texts either – up until now, she'd stayed true to Caroline's promise of being big on texting. I'd driven past her house to check she'd gotten home okay – so sue me, I'm protective of her – but her car wasn't in the drive, and the light in her room wasn't on. I had been debating knocking on the door, and asking Jenna where she was, but decided against it – she'd probably just stopped off round Bonnie's or Caroline's. I wasn't going to worry – there were plenty of logical explanations. I would write in my diary, and spend some time reading Damon's Anne Rice books.

Okay, I'm lying to myself. I wasn't _worried_ about her…I was kinda angry at her. Not fury, or rage, but I was definitely annoyed. She'd left the Grill on her own, giving only vague reasons why I couldn't walk or drive her home, and now she wasn't answering her phone. She had been acting weird these last few weeks, and I felt resentful of the fact that she believed she couldn't tell me what was wrong. But…no, Stefan. Stop being as broody and angsty as Damon believes you are. Screw wallowing. I should go back to the Grill, find Matt, Tyler or the guys from the football team and drink them all under the table. As someone once wisely said, bros before hoes.

_So sick of calling, you won't telephone me, no, fuck you girl, I'm going out._

I turned out of the ridiculously grand entrance hall into the parlour, making a sudden decision to grab my other jacket – I was planning on staying out quite late, so I'd need the thicker coat to fit in with the humans. I moved silently, my instincts as a predator making themselves constantly known…and stopped dead. Standing in front of the fire was Damon…and Elena. And they were standing together. And they were…

My eyes filled with blood rage as their lips met again and again in raw, passionate unity. Her hands were all over him – his hair, under his shirt, his crotch – and his were exactly the same. I had frozen, paralysed by the shock of them together. My acute vampire hearing registered her moaning his name, and it shook me out of my daze. I furiously punched the wall, hard enough to go straight through the plaster, and ran, leaving them confused – they hadn't seen me. They must be able to put two and two together...they'd know soon enough. I wasn't sticking around for the excuses.

_I gave you my all but our love hit a wall, now I'm jingle belling, and everyone's yelling..._

I ran straight out of the boarding house, and straight past my car. I ran into the woods, ignoring the sharp stings of branches cutting my skin – the wounds healed before they had the chance to bleed. I recalled the way Damon and Elena...Damon and _my girlfriend..._were wrapped around each other and growled through my teeth, growled through my elongated canines. I grabbed hold of a tree as thick of my arm and ripped it from the ground, throwing it against two tall pine trees standing close together. The crashing noise brought me slowly to a halt, and I stopped, breathing heavily. Surprisingly, I wasn't mad...well, not _that_ mad...at my brother. I had always known he'd take any opportunity with Elena that he could – she was identical to Katherine, who he'd spent 150 years loving. It was to be expected. But Elena? I thought we were doing fine. Obviously, I thought wrong. I wasn't enough for her. I took in my surroundings, realising I was now in the thicket that bordered the Grill parking lot. I looked down at myself, noticing that my shirt was a little bit ripped, then realising that I didn't really care. I walked forward past the wide variety of cars littered across the lot and jumped up the stairs towards the doors. I looked across the crowded bar, and my eyes focussed on one person. The one person in this town who might possibly be able to empathise.

_We'll drink 'til the bars shut us down...ain't that just what Christmas is all about?_

I sat down at the bar, beckoning Matt. He walked over, suppressing a sigh. I didn't blame him. I suppose I did kind of steal his girl. His eyes took in my dishevelled and wild appearance and his expression softened a little.  
>"Hey Stefan, what you drinking?" He asked in a friendly manner, jealousy contained surprisingly well under his cool front.<br>"I'll have the strongest spirit you've got." I said sharply, and I saw him look taken aback as he prepared my drink.  
>"Where's 'Lena? I thought you two were pretty much joined at the hip these days?" Matt sounded nonchalant, but I could tell it pained him to ask the question.<br>"So did I..." I murmured under my breath, too low for him to hear. I downed my drink in one, and gestured for Matt to refill the glass. "That's kind of why I came, Matt. I just found Elena wrapped around my brother in our parlour, and I was hoping you'd maybe be my drinking buddy." I looked up at Matt's shocked face and smiled tightly. I chucked the glass back and then wrapped my fingers around the bottle neck, bringing it to my lips. Matt reflexively took it back from me, pouring a generous measure into my glass. As he watched how eagerly I was drinking the alcoholic liquid, he sighed and looked at the shift-board.

"I'll find out if I can clock off early."

_And I hope you're happy with yourself, 'cause I'm not laughing, don't you think it's so damn _trashy_ what you did this holiday?_

Matt guided me over to a table in the back corner, bringing with him the bottle of whatever the strong spirit was. I sat down, staring at the bottom of my glass.  
>"Why don't you start at the beginning?" Matt said gently. He didn't seem very shocked... perhaps he'd expected something like this would happen. I glumly explained what had happened, once again abandoning the glass in favour of the bottle.<br>"And you know whaaah? I'm not angwy wiv Damon...well I am, buu I'm more angwy wiv 'Lena, cos she pwomished she and Damon were only fwends..." I slurred. This must be strong stuff, I was honestly drunk... "And I wanna confwont them 'bout it, but I don't fink I can fashe them right now...I love her, and she's been shcrewing Damon...how long hash it been goin' on?" Matt beckoned a waiter to get us another bottle.

_ Well I gave you my heart, you ripped it apart like the wrapping paper trash..._

I spent the night at the bottom of the bottle, pouring my heart out to Matt and listening to him as he shared my pain. I suppose it was the first time he'd told anyone how he felt about Elena in their post-breakup phase. I realised how painful it must have been for him watching me and her. Really, _I _should have expected something like this. She's descended from Katherine, the original manipulative bitch. Elena's a Petrova doppelganger for God's sake! And for all her insistence that she is not Katherine...well, she may not be her, but she's definitely taking a leaf out of her book. I looked back up at Matt and noticed how prominent his carotid artery looked, how I could smell the blood pumping under his fragile skin. I looked quickly back down at the bottle, taking a larger-than necessary mouthful of the burning liquid. Drinking my drinking buddy would not be a good idea. I'll just spend the night with my trusty friends Matt Donovan and Jack Daniels and hopefully my biggest worry on Christmas morning will be a horrendous hangover.

S_o I wrote you a song, hope that you'll sing along, here it goes, 'Merry Christmas, _BITCH_, kiss my ass!'_

**Thanks to my sister 'FamiliarTasteOfPoison' for beta-ing! Merry Christmas all!**


End file.
